walking away
by kohee
Summary: Shiraishi thinks that Aizawa should stop walking away from her. A vignette of some sort. Aizawa/Shiraishi


one-shot; _walking away  
_ pairing: aizawa kosaku/shiraishi megumi  
word count: 1044 words  
note: I'm so tired of Aizawa always walking away from Shiraishi every single freaking time so I just have to make him stay put, at least once.

* * *

He's walking away from her again.

This is how it has always been, he walks away when he refuses to see her point, or maybe he's unable to accept what she's saying, or maybe because he thinks there is no point in carrying on the conversation anymore. Or maybe it's because he knows she is right, but he doesn't want to admit it, because it would mean that _he_ is wrong, and he's not a person that prides himself on being wrong.

She wants him to face himself, she wants him to return to the person he was. The person she knows he is. She wants him to stop running away, because that's not _him_ , he never used to run away, never used to blame himself.

But then she wonders if she could've said it better, used other words, words that were perhaps more soothing. But then, it wouldn't be their relationship, to use words that bordered on being false. It wouldn't be him and her, it wouldn't be _them_. Since the first words they had exchanged nine years ago, they've always been honest with each other, about their feelings and their thoughts.

She knows that she's the only person he had spoken to, however minimally, about his grandmother, his mother and his father. And while he may not be the only person she confides in about her father, her fears and her hopes, he's certainly one of the people she trusts most.

All this while, throughout the years, she has been depending on him. She draws on his strength, his stability, his brilliance. His confidence in her gives her the confidence to lead, to instruct, and he pushes her to be the best she can be.

She knows he doesn't rely on her, not like the way she relies on him. But she wants him to know that _he_ can rely on her. She's not going to be one of those people who leaves him. She wants to remain by his side, helping him to fight his battles – his inner battles – the same way he had always been helping her to fight hers. He's always been her support, and she wants to be his.

But he doesn't always let her in, and now he's refusing to let her in as he walks from her, and she is left with staring at his retreating back, his rigid shoulders, and his clenched right fist, and as always, be left with feelings of defeat and frustration.

* * *

He walks away from her because he feels like that is all he can do.

He has to leave, because looking at her makes him too aware of the truths that he's refusing to see. It's easier to escape and hide, although it's not who he used to be. That's the problem with holding yourself so high in regard; when you inevitably fall down, you will always fall harder.

Every word she says rings true, and he knows it. And somehow, he hates her for being able to see right through him, through his hollow words, and for being able to tear down the façade he has so carefully built. It frustrates him that he cannot lie to her. He's never really been able to lie to her, and therefore he cannot lie to himself.

He doesn't want to walk away from her, not really. He wants to face her, and tells her that he _knows_ , he understands, but that doesn't make anything easier. He wants to believe her, but it's so difficult because he doesn't even really believe in himself anymore, not in the way she believes in him.

She's so different now. He used to be the one who's stronger and tougher. He used to be the one she relied on, especially within the scope of their profession. But she's strong now, and she has gained so much courage, and she's strong enough to tell him the truths that he doesn't want to hear or face.

He thinks that she doesn't need him anymore. All these years, he had looked for her because he felt that she needed him. Now he wonders if that is wrong, maybe he was the one who needed her, and still needs her. And it scares him, because he's never really needed anyone in his life. He doesn't _want_ to need anyone, because in the end, they will all leave him. He thinks that one could never really get over the feeling of being rejected, being left behind by the people who were supposed to love one the most.

Therefore, he can't stay there and listen to her, and take in the truth of her words. He doesn't want to need her. He can't allow himself to be comforted by the warmth of her compassion, because he doesn't think he could ever stand losing that. He's close to breaking, and she might be the one who breaks him.

* * *

She's tired of him always walking away from her.

She wants him to know, for once and for all, that she's there for him. It's all irrelevant, time and distance, because no matter what, she will always be there for him.

So she gathers her courage, and chases after him, grabbing his sleeve. He stops walking, but he doesn't look at her. It doesn't matter, because he's at least stopping, and maybe he's listening.

She tells him that he'll always have her. Whatever he has to face, whatever he has to go through, she'll be by his side.

She'll never leave him.

* * *

Maybe it's time that he stops walking away from her.

He feels the strength of her grip on the sleeve of his scrubs, and again, he thinks about how strong she has become.

He listens as she tells him that she will always be there for him, if he could just let her in. And she tells him that she will never, ever leave him.

He stops walking, and he turns around and face her, and he believes her. She never lies to him, just as he never lies to her. It's okay if he couldn't face himself alone. It's okay if he breaks in front of her, because it's _her_. It has always been her.

She asks him to stay.

So he does.

* * *

A/N: I've been challenged to write a dialogue-less fic delving into the minds of Aizawa and Shiraishi, and their thoughts regarding each other, so this is my attempt. And I've also been challenged to write daily on our favs till the finale is aired -_- because _someone_ (I swear, I can't believe I'm still giving in to her after all these years, but maybe it's because I am just as obsessed) has gone obsessively obsessive with these two. I can't promise I'll succeed, but I think there's no harm in saying that I'll try, unless someone tells me to shut up and go away.

Anyway yes, Aizawa needs to stop walking out on Shiraishi, ffs, in fact he should never, ever do that ever again.

Reviews and comments are loved and appreciated!


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